Gordon Robinson | Tufftimes for Tufton

One Saturday the domino game at Gene Autry’s home went on into the night.

Our opponents were Peter Poop, who got his name after expelling a loud noxious gas balloon in class, and his cousin Little D, who, despite his diminutive stature, was a star footballer and an excellent domino player. No matter what we did, we couldn’t win a six. I blamed it on bad hands. It was amazing the number of hands I drew short of at least two cards. Gene said I wasn’t concentrating; took me to the nearby basin; and pushed my head under the cold water tap.

“Wake up” he ordered. “We have to get our own back tonight!”

Midnight was looming. Perennial spectator “Haemorrhoid” paused his constant complaints about “piles and piles” of files on his desk and intervened with a story about never-ending troubles.

Freddy is sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making hooligan steps up next to him; grabs his drink; gulps it down in one swig, and menacingly says, “Whatcha gonna to do about it?”

Freddy burst into tears. “C’mon, man,” the hooligan says. “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Freddy replies. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting. My boss fired me. When I reached the parking lot, I found my car was stolen. I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener. My dog bit me. It’s the stuff of Country Songs. So I come to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!

“But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

Haemorrhoid guffawed loudly then explained there’s always someone with bigger problems so I should stop whining, reset and recoup.

I remembered Haemorrhoid’s lesson when I saw the Gleaner report about restive Doctors threatening University Hospital (UHWI) with industrial action. Health Minister, Christopher “Criss Tufftimes” Tufton, has been under the kosh lately including from protesting Cornwall Regional nurses; a scathing Auditor General’s report about UHWI procurement practices; and deteriorating healthcare generally especially in Hurricane Melissa’s wake. This latest drama must seem like the last straw!

The Dunce would tell Tufftimes “If a macca mek it jook yu!”

Jamaica Medical Doctors Association (JMDA) was specific in its February 4 letter to UHWI’s CEO Eric Hoisin copied copiously but firstly to Tufftimes. JMDA wrote:

“Since 2024, JMDA made numerous attempts to meaningfully engage UHWI to address several questionable practices related to doctors’ compensation, staffing inadequacies, and resulting negative impact on patient care….”

Whaddaya mean “staffing inadequacies”? According to JIS website, didn’t Tufftimes announce on May 3, 2023, that “Government has established more than 2,000 permanent posts for doctors within the public health system”?

What happened to those posts? Why aren’t they caring for patients? Hold on a minute. Is it possible that posts only appear on paper? Is it possible that 2,000 new posts don’t necessarily mean 2,000 new Doctors? Surely this isn’t just another exercise in bureaucratic labeling?

Nah, that can’t be. Tufftimes would’ve told us if the 2,000 new posts were smoke and mirrors.

JMDA’s letter went on;

“It is therefore unfathomable that, despite the gravity and breadth of thirteen substantive issues raised in our letter dated January 19, 2026 encompassing staffing shortages, breaches of compensation arrangements and serious patient safety concerns the meeting convened to address these matters was allotted only one hour.”

“Breaches of compensation arrangements”? Surely it can’t be that doctors weren’t paid by UHWI as promised while UHWI was, according to Auditor General, assisting private companies to evade taxes then sell equipment to UHWI at inflated prices? Say it ain’t so!

All this was to be addressed in one hour? Somebody must be high!

So JMDA skipped the meeting then made its position clear:

“JMDA hereby places UHWI on formal notice that it must urgently convene a properly constituted meeting….with sufficient time and authority to resolve the outstanding matters no later than February 11, 2026…… Should UHWI fail to [meet] the stated deadline JMDA……cannot guarantee the continuation of normal operations at UHWI.”

Strike! Strike!!

Tufftimes told Dionne recently he’s only involved when the matter reaches the “policymaker” level. Well, Tuffy, a copy of this threat to healthcare is on your desk. Do you plan to get involved? Or remain aloof and blame management for any fallout?

One last thing, Criss (said Lieutenant Colombo): If Doctors strike send for qualified pharmacists. Only they will be able to decipher the picket signs.

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com