Tony Deyal | Cats are funny too

Many years ago, I read about Shakespeare’s Hamlet when Polonius enjoined his son, Laertes, saying, “Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar.” In other words, there is a very fine line dividing both forms of behaviour and it is quite easy to slip from one into the other, especially when it comes to cats.

We had, and still have, a beautiful cat that our daughter loved and took care of it from morning to night. For most people, cats become part of our family through deep emotional bonds, shared daily routines, and mutual trust. They offer quiet comfort, show uniqueness, which means being the only one of its kind (or so my daughter feels, and also makes it clear to the rest of us). She also includes signs of affection and triggers of the same loving brain chemicals in us as humans. However, I’ve heard that it is bad luck if a black cat follows you. One of my friends joked, “No problem with them. Our wives are worse!” Another told us, “Listen. The bad luck is only if it is a man or a mouse!”

I also hear that shop cats are important for pest control, customer comfort, and companion ships, but mostly because cats, mice and rats keep goods safe. They also say that cats are believed to be the only mammals who don’t taste sweetness. Most little boys around our area “jump” on that. Even the older men, but with a different reason. As one said, we need to give the women all they want. But, regardless of how hard they try, the men still don’t do enough for the ladies. While the men are truly nearsighted and have real problems, the cat’s vision, especially at night, is perfect. In fact, they are much better than that of humans. Cats are supposed to have 18 toes (five toes on each front paw; four toes on each back paw). Cats can jump up to six times their length. To make it worse, Winston Churchill says, “Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals”. And the great Leonardo da Vinci made it clear to all of us, “The smallest feline is a masterpiece.”

There are people who say that cats are funny. They have love in the night and not the day, and maybe that is because they make up humour and share lots of jokes. What I know is that, after my recent column of ‘Dogs’, the cats, men and women, made it clear that I have to do the same because they feel that the “Cats” are much better than the dogs. So, let’s start with a few: Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!; What is a cat’s favourite colour? Purple.; What do you call a cat that loves to bowl? An alley cat.; “Why are cats so good at video games?” Because they have 9 lives, of course!; Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! There are some Cat Puns that are a bit different like: (Purreal) Are you fur real right meow?; (Purrect: Your day is looking purrect.; (Feline fine) My kitty is fine today.; (Cat-astrophe) Spilling the cat food is a total cat-astrophe.

Many of my colleagues were not happy about the Cat Puns and told me they wanted some better cats to show us how great they are with jokes. So, here are a few, “Why are cats afraid of trees? Because of their bark! Then someone asked to open the door with, “Know, know. Who’s there?” The person in the house asked, “Kitten, Kitten, who?” That was enough and no more talk. He shouted, “Quit the kitten talk around. Then open the bloody door you hear!” Then my readers told me to go back to normal, and so here we are, “What do Christmas and desert cats have in common?” Sandy claws.; “Why can’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.; “How do cats resolve an argument?” A spelling bee.; “If a cat loses its tail, where does it go?” The retail store.; and “Why are cats bad story letters?” They only have one tail.

A few of my readers who like cats make it clear that we should forget the weird humour and show why Cats are the best ever. First there are some from some groups. One said that they may be biased but, when it comes to choosing the perfect pet, we think you’d be better off with a cat. Another made it clear that while we love all animals, there are certain benefits to welcoming a feline friend into your life. Then the majority make it very clear that you’d be doing one of the kindest things possible if you are giving them a loving home. But, if you need some convincing, here are some of the top reasons why moggies are particularly marvellous. In other words, non-pedigree, mixed-breed cats (moggies) are especially wonderful pets, even though they are without formal pedigree. People actually use this phrase to praise their unique charm, health, and personality. They believe you don’t need to walk them; They groom themselves; You can leave them alone for short periods; They don’t need a lot of space; They don’t need training; They’re quiet (most of the time); You have to earn their respect and, most of all, they provide you with hours of entertainment.

More than that is how “high level” folks, men and women, love cats. Here are some that we must consider as not just important, but many own and love cats. For instance, Hippolyte Taine, a French historian, critic and philosopher said, “I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior”; Terry Pratchett, one of England’s funniest writers, was clear, “In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”; Jane Pauley, an American television host and author, is a cat person, “You can not look at a sleeping cat and feel safe.; Nafisa Joseph, an Indian model and beauty pageant titleholder was clear, “I used to love dogs until I discovered cats.” Then there was Sigmund Freud, the Austrian neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis, who told us, “Cats speak only to those who know to listen.”; then Seanan McGuire, the American author, reminds us that, “When Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.” And, to end, one “unknown” told all of us, “Your house will always be blessed with love, laughter and friendship if you have a cat.” Then another “unknown” but very, very clear for all of us, “Cats leave paw prints in your heart, forever and always.”

Tony Deyal agreed with Sigmund Freud, “Time spent with cats is never wasted.” Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com