Dwight Fletcher | When regret writes your story

Have you ever noticed how one mistake can begin to define an entire season of your life? You replay a conversation you wish had gone differently. You think about a business decision that didn’t work out. You wonder what might have happened if you had said “yes” instead of “no”, or something else. Before long, one moment begins to overshadow the rest of your story.

Last week, we started a new series on regret and the dangers it brings. Regret is not simply remembering the past. It is allowing the past to rewrite how we see ourselves in the present.

The Apostle Peter understood this all too well. After denying Jesus three times, Peter was devastated. Rather than embracing the future Jesus had spoken over him, Peter returned to fishing (John 21:3). Peter no longer saw himself as someone who could lead. His failure convinced him that he was unworthy and that his future had been cancelled.

Many of us do the same. A failed marriage becomes, “I’ll never have a healthy relationship.” A financial setback becomes, “I’m just not good with money.” One bad decision becomes, “I’ll never recover from this.” Without realising it, we allow a moment to become our identity.

Regret not only leads to shame and stagnation, but also hinders faith and decision making. Because regret impacts how we see ourselves, it affects our language of faith. We no longer say, “God still can.” Instead, we begin to talk about what could have been or what would have been.

Then comes the faulty decision-making. As a result of regret, Peter was now making poor choices because the choices came from a self-biased assumption. Although he had seen the risen Lord, although Jesus had breathed on him and said ‘receive the Holy Spirit’, even that was not enough to change his mind. He made a poor decision to return to his old life, and often we do too.

If nothing changes, these decisions breed more guilt, shame, and sadness. Like a vicious cycle, our unresolved emotions add more fuel to the fire. This is more clearly seen in Judas’ life. Like Peter, Judas betrayed the Lord on the night of His crucifixion. Matthew 27:3 (NLT) says, “When Judas, who had betrayed him, realized that Jesus had been condemned to die, he was filled with remorse.” This drove him to hang himself. Regret can kill you.

The enemy would love nothing more than for that to happen to you as well. He lies that there is no coming back from the mess you’re in, but the Gospel tells a different story.

Judas’ and Peter’s greatest failures did not surprise Jesus. In fact, He prophesied about both situations before they happened. In Peter’s case, before he ever denied Him, Jesus had already prayed for his restoration. In fact, Jesus told Peter, “When you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:32, NIV). Notice those words: “when you have turned back”. Jesus saw beyond Peter’s failure to the man he would become.

God often sees a future in us long before we can see it ourselves. You may have failed, but failure is not your name. You may have fallen, but falling is not your identity. Your worst decision is not the truest thing about you. Regret will always try to convince you that your story ended with your mistake. Jesus reminds us that, in His hands, failure is often the place where a new chapter begins.

He loves you so much that He has called you to be His own. He died to give you a new reality and power to overcome your shame.

So, here’s a question to reflect on this week:

What story have you been telling yourself because of your regret, and does it agree with what God says about you?