Dwight Fletcher | How do you actually move on?

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been talking about regret. We’ve established that everyone has regrets. We’ve explored how regret can negatively reshape our identity, influence our decisions, and convince us that one mistake has the power to define the rest of our lives. We’ve also seen that failure doesn’t have to be the end of the story. In the Bible, we read that Peter and Judas both experienced deep regret, yet their lives moved in very different directions because of what they did with it.

That leads us to an important question: How do we actually move on?

Most people don’t wake up one day and decide to forever live in the past. But, when we replay old conversations, continually revisit painful memories, and punish ourselves for mistakes, we make regret our permanent residence.

Today, I would like to suggest that regret, much like physical pain, can actually be a gift. Pain tells us that something is wrong. Without it, we wouldn’t know that we’ve been injured. In the same way, regret can alert us to areas of our lives that need healing, repentance, growth, or change.

The problem isn’t feeling regret. The problem is refusing to move beyond it. So, how do we do that?

Here are five practical, biblical steps.

1. Acknowledge your regret.

This may seem obvious, but it’s often the most difficult step. Many of us have become experts at avoidance. We bury our emotions in work, entertainment, social media, or endless busyness. Yet, healing begins with honesty. You can’t heal what you’re unwilling to acknowledge.

2. Ask God to reveal the truth.

Not every painful experience is entirely our fault. Sometimes we’re carrying regret because of decisions made by other people. However, moving on requires us to ask an uncomfortable question: Did I contribute to this situation in any way? God will reveal it if we ask, not to humiliate us, but to help us.

3. Receive God’s forgiveness.

Many people believe forgiveness only deals with sin. But Hebrews 9:14 (NLT) says, “ Just think how much more the blood of Christ will purify our consciences from sinful deeds so that we can worship the living God.” I love that phrase: purify our consciences. Some of us have received God’s grace for our mistakes, but we haven’t received His grace for our regret. Don’t miss out on that healing.

4. Forgive everyone involved — including yourself.

This may be the hardest step in the entire process. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t excuse harmful behaviour. It doesn’t pretend that something painful never happened. Forgiveness means releasing your right to keep carrying the burden.

And, until we extend grace to everyone, including ourselves, we’ll continue unnecessarily punishing ourselves for a debt Jesus has already paid.

5. Look for the good God can bring from the situation.

As Romans 8:28 (NIV) reminds us that, “. .. in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” That doesn’t mean God caused the pain but He can redeem it. Peter’s denial didn’t disqualify him. It humbled him. It shaped him. It prepared him to become the leader Jesus had always intended him to be. Your regret may become one of your greatest teachers.

So, here’s my challenge for you this week.

Stop asking, “How do I change the past?”

Start asking, “What is God trying to teach me through it?”

Because moving on isn’t about pretending something never happened. It’s about placing your regret into the hands of Jesus and allowing Him to transform it into something that moves you forward instead of holding you back.