HELLO MI NEIGHBOUR| The cost of raising your voice

Stop shouting. Won’t make you win the argument - if that was your intention! Will only make matters worse. Shouting rarely proves a point or solves a problem - usually indicates that you really “have a problem”.

In fact, raising your voice unnecessarily is unhealthy and often distracts from the message you are trying to communicate! But that’s not the full story as you would imagine. There are instances when shouting becomes highly necessary: warning someone about impending danger, a falling object, or a hidden hazard, calling for emergency help or giving urgent instructions in a chaotic space like an accident scene or giving a military command, etc.

Except for instances where danger lurks, shouting can be dangerous! It is a dangerous practice in the home- among married couples, siblings, etc. It is dangerous at the workplace where bosses, coworkers, etc, shout at one another. It is absolutely dangerous in the streets among motorists! Parliament, schools and playfields etc, are also unsafe places to shout at others unnecessarily. In these contexts, people shout out of fear, frustration, anger, or annoyance, etc. The problem with shouting here is that it can cause shutdown. Research shows that whenever people are yelled at, their brains activate a threat response, making it impossible for them to process logical reasoning. It signals a loss of control. Yelling often gives the other person a sense of dominance because it shows that you are being ruled by your emotions!

Yelling is not a good teacher. Whether arguing with a colleague, a partner, or a child, shouting triggers anxiety instead of teaching correct behaviour or resolving a conflict. “Yellers” are usually out of control - often bordering on insanity. Watch them! if the person who is yelled at is equally out of control, you’re going to have a “yell of a time” controlling them! Be wise, people, be wise! Get help!

VERBAL AGGRESSION

Children who face regular verbal abuse (yelled at) process negative information more quickly and thoroughly than positive information. Studies reveal that children exposed to verbal aggression from controlling adults are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and persistent sadness, and even become suicidal. Parents, “for crying out loud”, stop shouting at your children!! Yes, I’m shouting at you - take it with a smile. Wondering why your children are underperforming?

And listen to me, married people: shouting in a marriage damages both partners just like cheating! It creates fear, destroys trust, and causes physical stress. It leads to anxiety and emotional distance for the wife while causing feelings of isolation, attack, and helplessness for the husband. Over time, the wife becomes reluctant to share her true thoughts in fear of causing another angry outburst. Emotional safety disappears, turning loving connections into painful silence or crippling tension. At this juncture, they say, her body releases stress hormones, which can lead to headaches, high blood pressure, and anxiety. Heard that, gentlemen? If you want to enjoy those special moments, be intelligent! Yes, wives, you, too, must be wise: yelling at your husband makes him feel worthless, unappreciated, disrespected, and sometimes stupid. Problems may arise when others see him otherwise. Instead of feeling like part of a team, he feels lonely and walks on eggshells to avoid making things worse. The experts say that yelling at your hussy can cause his brain’s reasoning centre to become overloaded and “go offline”, making constructive problem-solving impossible. See the problem?? What do you think happens when conversation and intimacy become difficult? Stop yelling before it leads to that.

Couples, in particular, let’s check out the stats below and get to work!

Here are some statistics:

• Approximately 75 per cent to 90 per cent of couples experience arguments and raise their voices at least sometimes.

• About 26 per cent of people in serious relationships raise their voice “always or most of the time” during fights.

­•­ It was found that 49 per cent do so “some of the time”.

• Only about 19 per cent report never raising their voice.

Frequency of arguments and yelling

• Over 90 per cent of people in serious relationships argue with their partner

• About 30 per cent of couples have heated disputes or raise their voices at least once a week.

• Nearly 60 per cent experience heated arguments at least once a month.

Statistics show that three per cent of people claim they never argue at all.

Hope I’ve helped you to enjoy a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

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To help, please call Silton Townsend @ 876 649-9636/876 884-3866 or deposit in acct #351 044 276 NCB. Alternatively, send donations to Hello Neighbour C/o 53 Half-Way Tree Road, Kingston 10; Paypal/credit card: email: zicron22@yahoo.com. Contact email: helloneighbour@yahoo.com. Visit hellomineighbourja.blogspot.com. Mr Silton Townsend exclusively manages the collections and distributions mentioned in this column and is neither an employee nor agent of The Gleaner.